


Drifting

by reeei



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Post-Mass Effect 3, mention of past traumatic injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:27:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5734861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeei/pseuds/reeei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard picks up a lot of injuries along the way, some stay with him and haunt his dreams, Kaidan kiss it better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drifting

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Shepard talks about his irrational fear of suffocation due to his past trauma, please note this if you're uncomfortable with the subject. I don't think it's too graphic though. Let me know if you think I should tag something!
> 
> Thanks so much to my beta [neko_fish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/neko_fish) <333

When Kaidan found him, Shepard was lightly kicking his feet, upper body held above water by a swim ring. He had been staring at the ceiling, trying to clear his thoughts. There was no one else in the pool, most patients were asleep by now.

“Can’t float on your own?” Kaidan teased as he approached the pool, slipping out of his shoes and socks, bending down to roll up his pant legs.

“Too much work.”

Emphasis on _trying_.

“Why not get a floating lounge chair then?”

Shepard’s doctors at Vancouver General discharged him two weeks ago under one condition-- he was to be admitted into G.F. Strong Rehabilitation Centre. “The nurses don’t want to babysit you anymore, that’s why they’re sending you away,” Kaidan joked when he was taking Shepard to the rehab centre.

“The chair was too expensive.”

“Practical as always.” Kaidan dipped his toes in the water, seemingly satisfied with the temperature, and sat down by the pool.

“You’re gonna get your pants wet.”

Kaidan shrugged, legs kicking back and forth in the water, “Hmm, it feels nice.”

The sound of water sloshing, occasionally splashing, filled the silence. Shepard had missed the feeling of being supported by water, even the chlorine smell that he dreaded as a child was a welcomed scent now.

And then there was Kaidan.

Having Kaidan in the room with him was always calming and yet nerve-wrecking at the same time. To have someone you want to show your everything to, at the same time being afraid that what you have, what you _are_ , is not good enough for them.

Shepard let out a breath.

Kaidan was not his father. He was good enough for Kaidan.

“How did you find me?” Shepard broke the silence.

Kaidan laughed quietly. “Took me twenty minutes, went through the cafeteria, the entertainment rooms, the gym... The roof was my next bet.”

“Phew. So you didn’t have a tracker planted in me. Had me scared there.” Shepard kicked harder a few times, drawing out the distance.

“Not yet.” Kaidan smirked.

Technically, Kaidan was not supposed to be here after visiting hours. But, technically, Shepard was not supposed to be out of bed, in the pool after lights out, either. Yet, here they were.

Shepard didn’t want to think about the conversation that was coming.

Uncharacteristically, Kaidan did not keep talking. And it made Shepard itch to start a conversation.

“How’s your mother?” Shepard picked the first safe topic he could think of.

“She’s good. She wants to thank you in person. I tried to stop her, but she insisted.” The twitch at the corner of Kaidan’s mouth told another story. “She’s visiting tomorrow.”

And Shepard just dug his own grave.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

The twitch turned into a smile. “I don’t know. Am I?”

“Is that why you hunted me down in the middle of the night?”

Might as well dig a little deeper.

Kaidan stood up and started stripping out of his clothes, barred for his boxer briefs. “One of the reasons. Also because a late night swim sounded pretty good.”

He slided into the water, rolled his shoulders, bounced a few times, and started swimming toward Shepard. He kept his head above water, arms doing breaststrokes, somehow still elegant and effortless despite the swimming style .

“You’d better not be planning on pulling me down,” Shepard said, voice aiming for warning but came out weaker than he would’ve liked. “The stitches on my head are not all healed yet.”

“I’m not the misbehaving patient here, you are.”

One last pull and Kaidan was right next to Shepard. He braced one arm on the swim ring, chin resting on Shepard’s wrist, damp fingers coming up to touch his cheeks.

“Hey,” Kaidan said.

“Hmph.” Shepard put on his five-year-old pout. “It’s wet.”

Kaidan pushed down the swim ring a few centimeters to rise up and plant a kiss on Shepard’s forehead, “There, there.”

Shepard didn’t know why his heart felt like breaking when he had so much love for another person.

“I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I took my psychiatrist’s suggestion to float in the pool.”

“What was it? The woods?”

“No, that one stopped after… after I met the kid. It’s the void this time.”

Shepard reminded himself that this was Kaidan, who had seen the worst of his nightmares and held him through each one of them. It’s okay.

Damp but warm fingers squeezed his shoulder, his bicep, and rested on his elbow.

“It’s okay now. I’m here.” Kaidan’s reassuring words echoed Shepard’s own.

Shepard wanted to lean over to kiss him, but that would upset the balance, and he really didn’t want to piss off his doctors any more than he already had.

As if reading his mind, Kaidan rose up again, this time his lips found Shepard’s. “The water’s getting chilly. Should we get out?”

“Okay,” Shepard said quietly.

 

～～～

 

They went back to his room after a quick shower to wash the chlorine off their skin. If only a bad dream was as easy to shake off.

Shepard climbed into his bed and made room for Kaidan, who scooted a little higher on the bed, arms around Shepard’s shoulders. Kaidan kissed Shepard’s old scar on his forehead and tucked him under his chin. Shepard looked for Kaidan’s pulse and turned his head a little so his ear was resting above it.

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

A sound that would never be found in the vast void called space.

That had been the moment Shepard realized there was something he feared more than drowning. The kind of irrational fear that you couldn’t control. Choking on water didn’t seem so bad when you were choking on nothingness. No air, no sound. You couldn’t even hear your own struggling. It made him felt as if he was already dead, and his brain was playing tricks on him, making him think he still had a chance.

He always woke up with his own hands around his neck, trying to finish the job the void didn’t.

“Hey, you still with me?” Kaidan’s voice vibrated through his whole body.

The five-year-old in him who loved to came out in front of Kaidan made his appearance again and licked his collarbone.

“Hmph, wet.”

“Are you mocking me, Kaidan Alexander Alenko?”

The sound of Kaidan’s low laugh warmed him up after a hot shower hadn’t.

“Do you want to talk about it? The dream?”

Kaidan hid his guilt well, but not this late at night.

Shepard slowly shook his head and held on a little bit tighter.

“Okay. Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?”

“Depends. Are you trying to sing me to sleep or to turn me on?”

“I guess we will find out.”

The sound of Kaidan’s low humming, the _thump-thump_  of their heartbeats, the constant buzzing of the central AC all whirled together to fill up the blackhole in Shepard’s mind. He closed his eyes. This time, Kaidan would be there when he woke up.


End file.
